Aircraft maintenance, 2001

Below are problems allegedly noted by U. S. Air Force pilots and left for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight, plus the replies from the
maintenance crews.

Problem

Solution





Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.


Auto land not installed on this aircraft.

Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.


Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

No 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.

No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage.


Something loose in cockpit.


Something tightened in cockpit.

Evidence of leak on right main landing gear


Evidence removed.

DME volume unbelievably loud.


Volume set to more believable level.

Dead bugs on windshield.


Live bugs on order.

Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.


Cannot reproduce problems on ground.

IFF inoperative.


IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.


That's what they're there for.

Number three engine missing.


Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Aircraft handles funny.


Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right," and be serious.

Target Radar hums.

Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.

haha those are great Tad

A man walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder, orders a drink and sits down. The monkey springs off his shoulder runs down the bar to the olive bowl, swallows one whole, then springs to the pool table and swallows the cue ball whole. The bartender cries out to the man, " Oh My God, did you see what your monkey just did?" "What, What?" says the man. The bartender says, " Your monkey just swallowed the cue ball whole" "Well, I'm not suprised, he eats everything in sight... I'll pay for it and we'll leave" Two week later the man and his monkey return, the man orders his drink and the monkey jumps off, runs to the cherry bowl, grabs one shoves it up his butt then pulls it out and swallows it whole. Once again the bartender cries out, "Oh my God, Did you see what your monkey just did?" "What, What did he do this time?" The bartender replies, "He just shoved a cherry up his butt, then swallowed it whole... that was disgusting!!" The man say's "Well, I'm not suprised, he still eats everything in sight, but every since that cue ball he checks everything first"

ugggg, hoof and horn!

who spends time compiling this data?

Frustrated Census takers?

thats some im-po-tant data

You engineering types should appreciate this. I'm not sure if he's referring to the new oil cleanup method or the health care bill

Dingle Arm

THATS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE SEEN ALL WEEK..

THANKS TONY