Witty/Funny Bumper Stickers......

OK, I'll start.

I saw this bumper sticker on a car recently. You know how some vehicles have stats like '0-60 in 4.8 seconds'.

Well the bumper sticker read:

0 to B!TCH in 1.5 seconds!

Another one I saw, with a MILF driving:

If you're going to ride my butt, you'll have to pull on my hair too!

I saw the "hair" one too. A dude was driving. I almost yacked...

"Jack Russels are shaped like a football for a reason"

" The more I get to know most people,
The more I love my dogs."
Also
"My dog is smarter than your Honor Student."

My equestrian daughter has this on the back window of her pickup truck:

"My horse bucked off your Honor Student"

"Honk if you're Horny!"

"When I get old, Im moving North and driving slow!"

HOw about,

'Horn Broken, watch for finger'

"I live with fear everyday...but sometimes she lets me race"

from a NO FEAR bumpersticker

"Honk if I'm paying your mortgage."

" I married Ms. Right, Her first name is Always."

For the conservatives in da house:

"Instead of spreading my wealth.........
.........Spread my work ethic"

or


It's not trickle down wealth..... it's trickle up poverty"

"If you don't like my driving, get off the sidewalk"
"As a matter of fact, I do own the whole damn road"
"Danger. I drive like you do"
"My kid beat up your honor student"

"Don't laugh, your daughter might be in here"
"Friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies."

When I lived in Bakersfield California (lots of underachievers)I saw one that said;

"My child was inmate of the month at Lerdo State Prison."

The only political bumper sticker I have ever appreciated....

"McCain/MILF '08"

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church

Welcome to Utah
Set your watch back 20 years.

That last one reminds me of a popular one from way back.

"Welcome to New Hampshire, now leave."

That's "VPILF".

Thanks everyone, just logged on at work this am and got a real laugh out of many of these.

How about this one:

'Keep honking, I'm reloading'

I've also seen:

'my kid had sex with your honor student'

I preffer: "My son knocked up your honor student"
or: "My kid sold drugs to your honor student"

During the Goldwater/Johnson election campaigns...

AuH2O = K9P

My favorite....My girlfriend was nude dancer of the month at Mons Venus Gentleman's Club.

My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

I miss my EX, but my aim is improving.

I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.

GOD doesn't recognize groups of people,
Only religions do that

Hungry out of work? Eat your import.

Old Truck-drivers never die, they just get a new Peterbilt.

Old Cowboys never die, they just smell that way!

WHATEVER HITS THE FAN WILL
NOT BE DISTRIBUTED EVENLY.

This one's on my helmet

Current personal favorite (that's coming true)

O'bama
O'sh*t

On the back of our car: "Eventers do it three ways in three days" We're 3-day eventers, ride dressage, cross country and show jumping (on horse back) over the course of two to three days depending on the show.

Personal Favorite

My Ex gives great Headaches

Oldie but a goodie

Please God let there be one more oil boom
(I promise not to piss it all away this time)

" BAD COWGIRL go to MY room"

"If it Fly's, Floats, or Flirt's Just rent it.
Its Cheaper that way."

' Never have a heart attack while playing charades'

'Avoid cliches like the plague'

'NEVER BELIEVE GENERALIZATIONS'

Back of a Harley rider's T Shirt:
If you can read this shirt..,
the bitch fell off!

I think you got some 'splainin to do, Lucy...

It's a bumper sticker I saw, not a comment regarding my better half!

I support single mom's, one dollar at a time.

Had me wondering too!

I've always like this one.

I was hoping for a story about that, but alas....

Hey Karl - isn't that your truck / trailer?

1. Can't we all just get a bong?
2. I drive like this just to piss you off
3. If I don't get laid soon somebody's gonna get hurt!
4. (for the 2004 election) Bush/Cheney - Four More Wars!
5. (for the 1996 election) Role/Hemp '96

The older I am the faster I was

From the late 60's

Dick Nixon Before He Dicks You

Get On Sit Down Shut Up And Hang On

Ok, someone had to do this one,

I'd Rather Be Sailing

"If the Music's too Loud, You're too Old!"

"186,000 miles per second. It's not just a good idea; It's the LAW."

"My Wife's other car is a Broom"

On a boxy Toyota Scion:
"You've just been passed by a Toaster"

One I'd like to put on my car:
"Do you have to FAIL a driving test to buy a BMW?"

From the recent election, Very funny.

CHANGE - OBAMA

Saw this while driving from Dallas, TX to Fort Worth back in the mid 80's

PLEASE LORD LET THERE BE ONE MORE OIL BOOM, I'LL PROMISE NOT TO PISS IT AWAY.

Saw this in Los Angles the other day:

If you can read this , then please tell the (&(*%&( idiot next to you to put down the cell and drive

Girls,Dirt Bikes,Democracy, Is this a great country or what?

NUT'S, gotta have em.

DON'T LIE CHEAT OR STEAL!
The government hates competition.

" I love my Country,
but it may be time to see other people."

This one hasn't been printed yet

"Whose Tibet?"

I saw: "Who would Jesus bomb?" a while back. My only thought was Palestine.

DAM - Mothers Against Dislexia

DAMM - Drunks Against Mad Mothers

Nuke the Gay Baby Whales

OK people, these have been REAL good.

I have some, that are about our time, that are not funny or witty. In keeping to my own thread title, I won't post them here.

Here's some more:

'I'm sorry for driving too close in FRONT of you!'

or,

'Yes, it's MY truck, NO, I won't help you move!'

or, seen on an old car:

'My other car is a piece of sh!t'

I actually had a set of vinyl letters cut to say this, just never got around to putting it on the boat. It's for the H16 front crossbar. I had a summer of constantly rear-ending people (usually the same person) on the starting line, who would unexpectedly put themselves in irons with 30 seconds to go...

"If You Can Read This... GO FASTER!!!"

Yes, I know, common sense would tell me to avoid that person, which I usually did, but he always found a way to end up where I wanted to be...

Mike

Lead, Follow, or GET OUT OF MY WAY

Exactly...

" Work Free drug Place"

I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.

on a friend's little tiny (and I MEAN TINY) scion...

"The clowns called...they want their car back".

One never knows, but we can guess what his bumper stickers would be like:

"Follow me"

or maybe

"Yes, I actually owe the road"

I saw this on the back of a clapped out Land Cruiser the other day. "Rehab is for woosses - drink a cup of concrete and harden the f**k up"

John Dowling
AUS9

"99 % of lawyers give the rest of them a bad name"

" 87.6 % of all statistics are wrong"

"9 out of 10 doctors agree the other tenth is an Idiot"

'Lifes a Reach, then you Jibe'

Have you flogged your crew today.

"Hard work has never killed anyone, BUT WHY TAKE THE CHANCE?"

GAS,GRASS OR butt

Nobody Rides For Free

Warning, the Surgeon General has determined that racing can be detrimental to your wealth

Sex is like air.
It's not important,unless your not getting any.

I like this bumper sticker.

Sex is like Sailing
You don't have to be good at it to enjoy it.

You don't have to be good at it to enjoy it.
No, but your partner gets screwed...

Back when the logging industry was getting shut down; "due to the shortage of wood and paper products, please feel free to wipe your @ss with a spotted owl."

Dog is my copilot

The difference between a Hoover and a Harley?
The location of the dirt bag!

I'll keep my guns and ammo,
you can KEEP the CHANGE!

Got this today from a co-worker:

Honk if you're paying my mortgage.

Saw this one at a reinactment, " Had I known this, I would have picked my own cotton"

no no no....that's horrible...seriously...that's not cool.

Back on track.....

The beatings will continue until morale improves

I saw that one misprinted once that said:

"The beatings will continue until morals improve."

"MY Bartender can beat up your Therapist."

"Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
If you can't eat it or play with it,
Just pee on it and walk away."

Guns kill people like spoons made Rosie O'Donnell fat...

Thank god i'm an Atheist!

1-20-09 The End of an Error

Jake posted,
'Originally Posted By: FLLSaw this one at a reinactment....

no no no....that's horrible...seriously...that's not cool.'

Jake,
This is a thread about witty/funny bumper stickers.

It's not a thread to add your political correctness and liberal views about someones post.

I have NOT posted SEVERAL stickers I've heard of and seen lately, that are EXTREMELY anti-Obama, b/c I didn't feel they were funny or witty.

Got a funny/witty bumper sticker for us Jake?

I liked the one about 'KEEPING the change!'- didn't you?

Hey Dammitfaster,
I failed to see the humor in your last post.


1-20-09 The Beginning of Disaster!

My post had nothing to do with that political thread...you're the one bringing that crap in here. In fact, you're getting pretty psychotic about it. My post only referred to the blatant racism in that post which, frankly, I'm shocked Rick and Mary have left standing - nothing else. Are you seriously condoning racism and the white supremacist tone in that phrase?

I THINK

Therefore I'm Dangerous

Usually seen on a vehicle speeding or making unsafe passes.

Slow Down, This Ain't The Mainland

Lighten up you Honky,White Bread, Crackah.

The Tawd

AIG = Always Invest in Garbage

I, for one, completely agree with Jake. How does that go? ....All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to say nothing. Something like that. Racism and white supremacism is objectionable in any forum. It is not politically correct to point that out. It is simply correct and necessary.

I have stickers in my back window of my truck and one on the side ,,, lets see if I can put them in?~~~ how do I get them from my pict folder???? I don't have a URL for them !! Oh well, I guess I can't show~em

And yet nobody is offended by the use of honky, white bread or crackah. Funny.

Sticks and stones...

My point exactly! Double standards suck.Check out some of the comedians on BET. I'm not condoning racism,humor cuts both ways. Views are like opinions and opinions are like a$$h0les ,everybody's got'em and most of 'em stink.So don't get all "Holier than thou" over someone posting a bumper sticker HE SAW. He didn't print it.

Jake,

Your friend barry keeps bringing up, on nat'l TV, his 'role model' who was a white supremecist. That's right- Abe Lincoln.

As far as me 'condoning racism and white supremacy'?

If you've forgotten, and want the easy way, I posted Lincolns own words and links earlier in the thread.

As far as me condoning racism and white supremacy? I don't feel I have to vote for a racist, a liar, and/or a socialist, while ignoring ALL the BAD backround, and lack of skills of a candidate, so I can somehow feel better about any guilt I MAY have had while being born a caucasain.

You don't know me Jake, and to add another one of your passive/aggressive remarks on whether I'M a racist? Again, you don't know me. Simply defending your remark is a bit below me.

And Tawd, was just kidding around.

Why Should Rick remove any of these remarks, for your guilt about being born caucasian? (assuming you are).

I agree with Jake it was wrond but I sent a pm asking fll to remove or edit his post.

"HEY,,,,, Where the White Women "

This is an Open Forum, anyone can make any comments about "PC" or views....

I support Jake and his cape! Go SqueegeeMan! Go!

You attacked me whilst defending a racist statement and I asked you if that was truly your intent. You not only didn't answer the question but now you are boiling over into other topics (while previously jumping on me for being off topic). I suspected that you couldn't see past the reference to the current administration for the true racist nature of the statement and had hoped you hadn't really considered the context of it. It has nothing to do with my or anyone else's guilt - the statement, plain and simple, is a derogatory and hateful statement of racist nature and I don't believe it belongs here or anywhere else. I suspect that there is a predominant majority of opinion here that supports this position.

I'm done with the diversion in this thread but I'm quite sure you won't quit without having the last word. Do not expect another reply from me on the topic.

I saw that very bumper sticker in Louisiana back in 2001 during my first trip to the Spring Fever Regatta.
Quite honestly, I was horrified and amused at the same time.
The assumption that it is specifically directed at the current administration is probably incorrect.
There are many things that make me chuckle that are indeed politically incorrect.
Very few of them would I post to an internet forum that would be read by people that have never met me.
Even fewer would I say represent my true feelings, or a position that I endorse.
I would discourage the web administrator from removing the post.
Political correctness has gotten out of hand in this country. Lets not bring it to this forum too.
If I had posted something that offended people, I would probably remove it myself.
If you are offended by the post, don't read it, Don't repeat it, and don't share it.

Just my thoughts.

Stephen

Look, Andrew, you have that whole CAPE thing wrong. The rubber gloves are the giveaway. Turn that cape around to the front and lower it to Jake's waste...APRON!

Voice from just out of the picture yells, "Jake, step back up to the sink and get those dishes done or no slap and tickle for you tonight!"

"OK, Honey, I was just daydreaming about showin' the guys how I can fly". ("Cape does not allow user to actually fly")

I always wondered about you Dave... now we know!!!!

"Re-hab is for quitters"

not a bumper sticker i know but my wife's birthday card read

"I could give up chocolate but i'm not a quitter!"

A community in Chicago is missing an organizer!

In GOD we trust,
All others pay CASH!

"Smart as a Horse
Hung like Einstein"

Madoff, INMATE #61727054

In reference to a Finn sailor:

Smart like Bull; Strong like Tractor

"CAUTION: I break for pixies, elves, fairies, unicorns, dragons and other mythical creatures that only I can see."

On a restored classic 1960s VW Beetle.

Thats Jeremy's VW bus in Santa Cruz.

Now that I got my stuff together, what do I do with it?

It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put the boogers.

Seen this one on a dodge neon,

MY KID IS AN HONOR STUDENT,
and MY PRESIDENT IS AN IDIOT

-and I don't know when it was put on.

some more:

BE NICE TO AMERICA,
OR WE'LL BRING DEMOCRACY
TO YOUR COUNTRY

and,
If you can read this,Thank a teacher
If you're reading this in English,
Thank a soldier.

or,
Turn the other cheek?
Hell, I Kick butt!

or,
Jesus is coming,
Look Busy

Disourage Inbreeding
Ban Country Music

I'm NOT Mooning you,
I'm turning the other cheek!

8 out of 10 voices in my head
say 'Don't Shoot!'

I've got a Perfect Body,
It's in the trunk and
starting to smell.

If any of those are repeats, sorry

Apologies in advance for any repeats

Jesus is coming, and boy is he pissed

You're just jealous cause the voices talk to ME

Don't Californicate Colorado
(A uniquely Colorado Bumper Sticker)

So What if your kid is an honor student
YOU drive like an IDIOT

My kid sells drugs
to your Honor Student

My Kid Beat Up
Your Honor Sutdent

O.B.A.M.A.
One Big A$$ Mistake America

( Hey, its just a bumper sticker, not my Opinion)
As far as I'm concerned, the Jury is still out, and quite honestly,
I'm not nearly as worried about the President as I am about our Congress

" Jesus may love you but everyone else thinks you're an a$$h0le"

"Driver carries no cash,
He owns a Sailboat!"

"Obamanomics...trickle up Poverty"

"Burn fat, not oil"

on a bicycle.

"I refuse to tiptoe through life, only to arrive safely at death"

It is far better to have played and lost, then not to have played at all.

Few are born with it. Even fewer know what to do with it.

"Hang Up and Drive"

I Found It

I Lost It

I Saw It

I Know It

I Met It

I Stepped In It

Bo Knows Baseball

Bo Knows Football

Bo Knows Soccer

Bo Knows Basketball

Bo Knows Tennis

Bo Knows Ice Hockey

Bo Knows Your Sister

stop bitching

start a revolution

PRAISE THE LORD "n" pass the plate

From Casa D'ice Billboard

"Please Bring back the rotary phone so we dont have to press one to continue in English!"

"If I wanted to hear from an a$$hole, I would have farted."

"Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do."

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein

"I'm a born-again atheist." --Gore Vidal

Gandhi would have smacked you in the head

Maybe there's a reason it's 'straight to Hell' and not 'gay to Hell.'

Attention Sarah Palin: Jesus Christ was a community organizer. Pontius Pilate was a governor.

Artificial Inteligence has no chance against Natural Stupidity

[

Attention Sarah Palin: Jesus Christ was a community organizer. Pontius Pilate was a governor.

I don't get the Palin one
Pontius Pilate did what was asked of him by the people
which fullfilling the prophecies gave us a Savior..is that supposed to imply that because Obama was a community organizer he's our......
carl


[/quote]

Brings to mind an oldie but goodie:

"The Moral Majority is Neither"

Sexual Intellectual – F’”ing Know It All

The shortest sentence is "I am"
The Longest sentence is "I do"

Fred

Military Intelligence, Oxymoron

(I was a Bn S-2)

Caleb

Why get married.....just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

That one could go on the "Don't ask me how I know" thread

There are three kinds of people,
Those that make things happen,
Those that watch things happen,
Those that wonder what the hell happened.

Not a bumper sticker, but it reminds me of a quote I like, goes something like this:

Small minds talk about other people,
Average minds talk about things,
Great minds talk about ideas.

I have no IDEA who said it though

Well, I don't know where that quote came from, but it obviously was from somebody who had monitored one of the phone calls between myself and my sister or my daughter, because all three things apply.

Maybe men just don't talk on the phone long enough to cover all three categories.

Thats a sexist remark... and I WONT stand for it.... (so i will sit down)

Just a fact.

"NO baby onboard...Durex"

Florin

"Don't Lie Cheat or Steel.
The Government Hates Competition."

Experience and Treachery will overcome,
Youth and Enthusiasm.

"The meak shall inherit the earth.
If that's ok with the rest of you."

Oh, it's the meek! Blessed are the meek! Oh, that's nice, isn't it? I'm glad they're getting something, 'cause they have a hell of a time.

Simon, what are you on about anyway? We all know there are no meek Aussies!

Hey Dennis, It's a quote from a movie. Anyone care to guess? I'm sure there are plenty from the other side of the english channel who recognise it.

And yes you are right. there are no meek aussies, we've already got the most beautiful part of the earth, what do we want the rest for?

Got to be Monty Python Holy Grail stuff...

Still one of the all time great movies!

And tell us about those -meek- Aussie bikers at the airport! Yikes!

Honk if you're making my Boat Payment

Arghhh I should have know it was Monty Python. In hindsight I'd say it was from "the life of bwhyan" (spelling mistake intentional).

Bingo

Those bikers have certainly freaked out the media and politicians (quite rightly too), security expert on the news tonight said that all the extra security we have are only trained to look for nail scissors and we need more uniformed police. Of course the police say we have enough police at the airport (except that they missed the a fatal brawl where the bikies had time to catch a taxi away from the airport!)

Back on topic Mum and Dad's car had

"I'd rather be sailing"

How about
"Got it up lately?
Fly a HOBIE"

God is dead! Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead! God.

ITS NOT THE PACE OF LIFE THAT CONCERNS ME, ITS THE SUDDEN STOP AT THE END.

IF YOU'RE NOT LIVING ON THE EDGE, YOU'RE TAKING UP TO MUCH SPACE.

IF YOU'RE GONNA BE STUPID, YOU HAD BETTER BE TOUGH.

HE WHO DIES WITH THE MOST TOYS, STILL DIES.

HE WHO DIES WITH THE MOST TOYS DOES NOT WIN!

HE WHO DIES WITH THE TOYS AND HAS THE TIME TO USE THEM, WINS!

...and the climate

ALL MEN ARE GREAT IN THEIR DREAMS, REALITY JUST NARROWS THE COMPETITION.

LIFES NOT TO SHORT, ITS JUST THAT YOU'RE DEAD FOR SO LONG.

there has been alot of flooding in Fargo and Grand Forks along the Red River this year again. A picture of a T-shirt was emailed to me yesterday:

"I Bagged a dyke in Fargo!"

Cracked me up.

One I just saw this morning:

If you see this car a rockin'
Don't come knockin'!

Your "Fair Share is NOT in MY Wallet

I first ran into that sticker in the hippie days. Usually on a paisley print, day-glo painted van; "if this vans arockin' don't be aknockin'".

Later it became, "don't laugh your daughter's inside."

"Power boats are for people not smart enough to Sail"

I actually saw these on hats, but I can add them here.

* self deleted one due to it may have been taken to be,
well, lets say uncouth.


and, this one, my wife doesn't think it's funny anymore, but I still recite it fairly often:

Everyone has to believe in something,
I believe...I'll have another Beer!

"Pregnancy a STD that lasts 20 Years"

If your lucky it's only 20 years. Try throwing them out of the house.