Jeff Foxworthy Jokes.........

They have to start with:

You might be a Redneck IF:



....you steal firewood from your neighbors woodpile.


....you've ever taken flowers to a date, that you stole from a cemetery.


...your wife is larger than your pickup truck.

...the primary color of your truck is Bondo.


They can be your own as well.

I like this one:

You might be a redneck if, you think that family reunions is a good place to pick up chicks.

Or this,
people stop at your house, thinking you're having a yard sale.

We need to keep this sailing related.
Such as

You might be a redneck if you buy your jib blocks at Ace hardware.

You might be a redneck if you substitue a 2X6 for a broken rudder.

You might be a redneck if your front cross bar is held to your boat by a C clamp? (true story any one want to guess the sailor)

You might be a redneck if ;
You take the wheels of your house and put them on your trailer.
Your Jib sheet is your wifes clothes line.

You got it backwards -- your wife's clothesline is your jib sheet.

you might be a redneck if you had a piece of closet bar as a bow foil on your hodge-podge H17.

"You got it backwards -- your wife's clothesline is your jib sheet."

Unless that was an OLD jib sheet, I believe that qualifies her as the soon-to-be EX-wife of said redneck sailor.

Got to have priorities...

Mike

Again, you have it backwards. The redneck sailor STOLE his wife's clothesline to use as his jib sheet.

All about perspective. I was looking at it as the sailor whose wife stole the jib sheet to make a clothesline.

Of course (and my actual wife would agree), she would only be hurting herself by taking HER jibsheet off the boat...

Mike

Well, I'm sure a true redneck couple would take turns using that particular piece of rope as a clothesline and as a jib sheet.
And maybe for other things, too.

" If your tiller is an adjustable paint stick from Lowe's"

"If your Mast is steel conduit from Lowes"- Yes I had a Sea Snark at 1 time in my life and I bent my mast in the surf(what the hell was I doing in the ocean in a snark?)

"Well, I'm sure a true redneck couple... ROPE as a clothesline and as a jib sheet."

Matt Bounds will flip when he reads that...

"And maybe for other things, too."

I'm probably taking this the wrong way too, but do you really have to be a redneck for that???

Mike

If your sail has "duck tape" holding it together...

If your hull has "duck tape" holding it together...

If any piece of hardware has been replaced by several layers of "duck tape"...

If you have fashioned a loop of "duck tape" on your shroud to hold your beer...

If you refer to duct tape as "duck tape"...

(That's what I meant! )

You mean "Alabama Chrome" as in, "My car had some rust holes in it so I covered them up with Alabama Chrome."

You might be a redneck if you know either is correct. (look it up)

I don't know what your "wrong way" is, but I was thinking more about using that that same jib sheet/clothesline to tie the boat down on the trailer -- or maybe tying down a beloved grandparent in the back of the pickup, for safety reasons, when transporting to the hospital.

The uses of a piece of rope are endless. We have used old sheets to tow disabled cars to the repair shop, and to rig up a block-and-tackle system to get a hot tub up onto an upstairs balcony.

Now that I think about it, if we didn't have sailboats, we wouldn't have all this rope lying around to use for all sorts of things.

You might be a RedNeck if you stop racing to fish.

YMBARN if you have rod holders on yer catamaran....

YMBARN if ....

YMBARN if you keep live bait in yer hull access.

I can think of several that might apply to this boat.

http://www.thebeachcats.com/classifieds/showproduct.php/product/1778/cat/1

Wow, some of those YMBARN if lines about boats really brought back some memories.....

I've had rod holders on my former P18-2, they were detachable though. Landed my biggest King Mackeral ever on that boat, 53"! I didn't use the hulls for bait wells however.

I used a piece of an old windsurfer boom to permanently fix a broken tiller crossbar on that same boat.

If you've ever used Home Dept Galvanized cable, sizing them with U-bolts for Shrouds on your srtanding rigging......YMBARN!

If you've ever used wine bottle corks for hull plugs, and drank the wine first..........YMBARN!

If you have bought your MOST EXPENSIVE mainsheet at Home Depot.........YMBARN!

Drum Roll Please, 'cause these two REALLY hit HOME!!

If you made your functional spinaker snuffer, out of a 6" x 10ft piece of Sewer Pipe..........Yep, I must be a RedNeck!

If you ever made your spinaker snuffers mouth out of a piece of a rubber Roof Jack that I bought from Home Depot.........yes again, I must be a RedNeck!!

I'll be damned if that home made snuffer didn't work GREAT until the day I sold the boat!!

You might be a Catsailor if...

you tack the sun visors in yer car when you make a 90 degree turn.

or... if you go to Tire Kingdom with yer truck and tell 'em that you got steering helm.

YMBARN if you know, have spoken to, raced with or have been in the same state at the same time as Tawd.

I did say "might be".

"I don't know what your "wrong way" is..."

If I have to explain it, I definitely took it the wrong way...

Mike

If your outdoor grill cost more tyhan your house,.............YMBARN.

If you and your wife compare beer bellies, YMBARN.

If you're wrapping presents, and you biggest decision is to use paper or plastic, YMBARN.

If you've ever blown out a tire on your truck, and were happy about it, because now you had a new flower pot for the front yard....YMBARN.

I once used a street sign pole (1 inch square steel) as a cross bar on my trailer.

The 12 days of redneck sailing
12 ringy dings
11 ft extention
10 yards of halyard
9 meter mast
8 (and a half) foot beam
7 batten adjusters
6 meter main sheet
5 regattas count
4 trailer cradles
3 sails flying
2 crew trapping
And catamaran in the sea.

One of my favorites from Jeff:

If you've ever had to climb a water tower with a can of paint to defend your sister's honor...