I'm in two months 69.

And because I only sail at sea, I think there will be a very distinct point when sailing is over.
That's when I start being afraid, feeling insecure at sea.

Ofcourse this point has to do with sea state and wind. With offshore wind it is always a lot less freaky then with 25 kts cross-onshore.

Strangely enough I think that my body will not play a leading role in that moment. I have already now so much defects that each time a bit more pain seems nothing.
I use heavy painkillers after each sailing and I never sail two days behind each other anymore.

But with windsurfing there is more connection between my fear and my body defects. Yesterday I surfed with strong cross-offshore wind. Far out my sail became loose and my waterstart failed a few times. There was besides that a heavy sudden fog, so i couldn't see the coast anymore.

At that moment I started to feel myself insecure, because I know I will never manage to come back on own force if I cannot cope start sailing again.

On my cat far out at sea, I feel myself definitly more safe