ok i assume your jib halyard is pulled down till there is 9"-12" of slack in the jib stay on the beach. the jib stay not the jib luff wire should have a little slack even when you are sailing hard to weather. your traveller should be centered at 10 kn, mainsheet almost block to block. your jib telltales should be pasted to the lee side of your sail, the windward ones should be just lifting. what about your fore and aft trim? your weight should be forward. your lee bow should be within a very few (2-3) inches of the water. what about your rudders, are they adjusted so they have 1/8"-1/4" of toe in? are your friends sailing carbon or fg rudders (stiffer) against your lexan (more flexible) rudders? what about your battens. they should be just tight enough to remove wrinkles, except the top two on the main, they should be tensioned to induce some curvature at the top. are you trying to sail so high that you are sailing too slow and you are slipping sideways? honestly, sailing to weather is the fine art of sailing. point till you feel the speed begin to drop, then very gently bear off for speed, then gently head up and... practice! : )