7 basic rules of sailing

1. Make sure your crew has the boat rigged and ready to go when you get to the beach

2. Put the blame firmly on the shoulders of the person responsible for anything that goes wrong on the water I.E. the mutinous crew!

3. If you win it's all due to the superior sailing skills of a brilliant skipper.

4. If you lose - it's that "barge" of a boat, and the slack crew.

5. When you hit the beach after sailing, the crew should hand you a cold drink and say, "go and have a hot shower and get changed, I'll pack up and wash down the boat you've deserved it sir" (It's optional if they refer to you as "Sir")

6. When you get to the bar your crew has your place ready for you with several long drinks to choose from and are telling all the lesser sailors (and that's everyone who ever sailed) just how brilliant you are and how they should all idolise your perfect sailing skills, (you just stand there modestly,-but regally,- and slightly smile)

7. Hopefully you never wake up from this “Macho” dream.