Dear Santa, I hope this letter finds you in good spirits. I know this is a stressful time for you, what with the whole having to find the perfect gifts for the whole population of the Christmastian Faith. And I know that I've already sent in one list, but with all due respect I'd really like for you to put down the eggnog (and that cute elflet) and give consideration to this request for an upgrade.
As you know, my list was the usual bunch of stuff from Murrays and APS. Safety knives, trapeze harnesses, and the usual like. Pretty much what I might ask for on any given year, with the exception that this year I also asked for a dog. But honestly, the reason some of the same stuff ends up on the list each year is that I don't get it. A host of other stuff has shown up, and don't get me wrong, I appreciate the effort, but some of it is real crap.
I also admit that I was probably mostly drunk when I sent in the first list. I suspect this because the drool puddle on the desk I woke up in smelled suspiciously of rum. But, the list was sent, and I apologize if my typing was slurred. But I had a moment of clarity as I peeled the stack of bills from my dull and throbbing face - maybe the reason my lists have gone unfulfilled is that I didn't go big enough! Lots of folks ask and get large TVs and the like, and here I am asking for a reference card to help decipher ship lighting patterns at night. No wonder you throw my list into the laugh pile that you and the elves read during your off-season drinking games.
So, here's my update, with a small dilemma and an offer to sweeten the deal. So toss the old list and listen up - I want either a Chris White Atlantic 57 or a Gunboat 66. That's the dilemma, I can't choose which I would rather have, and I don't have the crab cakes to ask for both. Yeah, I know, the easy choice is the Gunboat. But there's something about the Atlantic that speaks to me as well. I've enclosed a few pics to help you help me. And another thing about the other list - keep the dog request, I'd still like one of those as well. One that doesn't get seasick please.
So here's the offer - make this happen and you and couple of elves (and elflets) can come and hang with me (and hopefully my dog) in the islands for a couple of weeks, on the cat that you choose to stuff down my chimney. You know I'd extend the offer to all of the elves, but honestly, while I'm asking for a large cat, there are limits. I'd advise choosing some that can mix some mean drinks and tell some great stories. Ability to navigate and man watches desirable but not mandatory.
That's it for now. What's it going to be? Don't tell me beforehand, I still like surprises. Oh, and another thing - the dog should be appropriate - no pitbulls or one of those lasawatendamilookinat type of dogs.
