Re post. Props to Bob J.


A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in
front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings
the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever
sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So,
what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I
was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no
time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms
with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
eavesdropping.
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the
jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger
so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do
some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening
in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of
medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for
the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that.'

____________________________________


Regards,

Bob J. the retired guy

LMFAO!!! still.

It's hilarious to me, not your reposted story, that you would have little ol me on ignore, do I threaten you somehow? Better get Rick involved.

so he takes his talking dog down the pub

clears a table and puts the dog on it

listen up everybody, he says

i'm taking $10 bets that this here dog of mine can talk

people gather around and soon the barman is holding $100 of bets which our man matches

then he says to the dog

come on now tell'em the story you told me

dog just sits on the table with it's tongue hanging out panting

come on talk he says

...................

everyone starts laughing and those that gave $10 to the barman take back $20

furious and embarrassed the man drags the dog out back to his truck and grabs his pistol from the glove box

give me 1 good reason why shouldn't shoot you now he yells at the dog

dog looks around, stops panting and says

think of the odds we'll get when we come back here tomorrow night

Love it...

Another version:

A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man says, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."

Bartender: "Yeah! Sure…go ahead."

Man asks the dog, "What covers a house?" Dog says, "Roof!"

Man asks the dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" Dog says, "Rough!"

Man asks the dog, "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?" Dog says, "Ruth!"

Man says to the bartender, "Pay up. I told you he could talk."

Bartender throws both of them out the door.

Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the man and says, "Should I have said Mantle, then?"

I loved this one. Haven't heard it in a while.

Blind man walks into the bar with his dog. Grabs the dog by the tail and swings it around over his head.

Bartender: "What the *#@% you doing!!!"

Blind man: "Just taking a look around"

BadaBing! Short & Sweet!

so he takes his talking dog down the pub

clears a table and puts the dog on it

listen up everybody, he says

i'm taking $10 bets that this here dog of mine can talk

people gather around and soon the barman is holding $100 of bets which our man matches

then he says to the dog, what is on the outside of a tree?

The dog says "Bark"

everyone boos

Then he says to the dog, What is on the top of a house ?

the dog says "Roof"

Everyone boos and the bartender throws them out.

Once they are outside the dog looks at the guy and says

What the hell ????????

::::Rimshot:::::

Different story:

Two friends were deer hunting, when one had to move his bowels.

So he squatted over a stump and was bitten on the penis by a rattlesnake.

He yelled to his friend, "I've been bitten on the penis by a rattlesnake and I'm going to die."

To which his friend replied, "No, I'll go to town and get help, you're going to live."

Immediately the friend jump into his jeep, drove at break neck speed, endangering his life more than once, and reached the doctor's office. Whereupon the Dr. said, " I have to deliver a baby, you'll have to tend the wound. Just cut two incisions over the wound and suck the poison out."

The friend jumped back in his jeep, made the same harrowing drive, reached his friend and said, "Yep, you're gonna die."

a gunslinger of old is a bit worried

after years of being a hired gun and having shot and killed too many people to remember he's hung up his guns, moved towns, got religion and is aiming to live out his last years as quietly as possible

but he hears tell that someone new is in town, asking about him, wanting to know where he lives.....

he gets a bad feeling and decides to head out of town for a bit

he needs supplies, so he takes his horse into town really early and figures he'll be out again before anyones even out of bed

with sack tied around the horses feet he leads it to the general store just after dawn, the street is empty with just a limping stray dog sniffing trash

he ties up the horse, wakes up the owner of the general store and gets his supplies

before going out he checks the street, still no one up, just that damn dog sitting by his horse now, licking it's injury foot and staring at him

his arms loaded he carries the supplies over the horse, but the dog jumps up, gets a good solid bite of his groin and starts shaking it's head furiously

screaming in pain he drops the boxes and falls to the ground

quick as a flash the dog jumps for his throat and he just stops it's lunge by grabbing the hair around it's neck

but it's a big dog, lookin' real mean and his fingers are slipping, he realizes he's going to die

in god's name he says, he screams, why, what have i ever done to you

the dog furiously snarling and staining to get to his throat says

cause you da guy

that shot my paw

An Indian was buying a horse from a cowboy for a $100. After looking the horse over he announced that he would like to talk to the cowboys animals before purchasing the horse. The cowboy just laughed and said, “Dogs don’t talk but go ahead.” Turning to the dog the Indian said, “woof, bark, growl…….arff” and the dog made the similar noises back. The cowboy just smiled as the Indian turn to him and said, “Well what did he say” The Indian replied, “Dog says you good master, feed and water him on schedule, every night give him bone from steak as you eat by camp fire, dog still mad you kick him two years ago.” The cowboy thinks ok that is true but just a lucky guess.

The Indian says, “Now I talk to horse” he turns to the horse. The cowboy just laughed and said, “Horses don’t talk but go ahead.” The Indian bows and raises his head and stomps his foot in front of him while making horse sounds, and the horse does the same in reply. Now the cowboy looks at the Indian and said, “ OK what did the horse say.” The Indian replies. “ Hmmm not so good horse says you are good master, feed and water him on schedule, but he is mad you sold filly named patches earlier this year and you buy cheap hay from man named Skip” Amazed that the Indian knows this he is dumbfounded and quizzed about the Indians ability to really talk to animals, could it be true?

Now the Indian turns to the sheep and says to the cowboy, “Now I talk to sheep.” The cowboy spins the Indian back around and says, “Sheep lie take the horse for $50”.

A hunter stalking the woods of Southern Illinois, shoots a deer. As he approaches the deer he sees someone standing over his kill, tugging on it. Chambering a round into his rifle, and stepping into the clearing, he tells the person to step away from his deer. The gentleman on the wrong side of the rifle says "You can have the deer, I'm just trying to take my saddle."