| Subject: Dog for Sale #200079 01/07/10 03:54 PM 01/07/10 03:54 PM | andrewscott
Unregistered
| andrewscott
Unregistered | Re post. Props to Bob J.
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?' The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. 'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that.'
____________________________________
Regards,
Bob J. the retired guy
| | | Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
[Re: TeamChums]
#200103 01/08/10 12:59 AM 01/08/10 12:59 AM |
Joined: Jul 2001 Posts: 2,844 42.904444 N; 88.008586 W Todd_Sails
Carpal Tunnel
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 2,844 42.904444 N; 88.008586 W | It's hilarious to me, not your reposted story, that you would have little ol me on ignore, do I threaten you somehow? Better get Rick involved.
F-18 Infusion #626- SOLD it!
'Long Live the Legend of Chris Kyle'
| | | Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
[Re: Todd_Sails]
#200112 01/08/10 08:02 AM 01/08/10 08:02 AM |
Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 757 japan erice
old hand
|
old hand
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 757 japan | so he takes his talking dog down the pub
clears a table and puts the dog on it
listen up everybody, he says
i'm taking $10 bets that this here dog of mine can talk
people gather around and soon the barman is holding $100 of bets which our man matches
then he says to the dog
come on now tell'em the story you told me
dog just sits on the table with it's tongue hanging out panting
come on talk he says
...................
everyone starts laughing and those that gave $10 to the barman take back $20
furious and embarrassed the man drags the dog out back to his truck and grabs his pistol from the glove box
give me 1 good reason why shouldn't shoot you now he yells at the dog
dog looks around, stops panting and says
think of the odds we'll get when we come back here tomorrow night
Last edited by erice; 01/08/10 08:03 AM.
eric e 1982 nacra 5.2 - 2158 2009 weta tri - 294
| | | Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
[Re: erice]
#200124 01/08/10 09:50 AM 01/08/10 09:50 AM |
Joined: Aug 2007 Posts: 3,969 brucat
Carpal Tunnel
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 3,969 | | | | Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
[Re: ]
#200142 01/08/10 01:46 PM 01/08/10 01:46 PM |
Joined: Oct 2002 Posts: 606 Maryland Kris Hathaway
addict
|
addict
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 606 Maryland | Another version:
A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man says, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."
Bartender: "Yeah! Sure…go ahead."
Man asks the dog, "What covers a house?" Dog says, "Roof!"
Man asks the dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" Dog says, "Rough!"
Man asks the dog, "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?" Dog says, "Ruth!"
Man says to the bartender, "Pay up. I told you he could talk."
Bartender throws both of them out the door.
Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the man and says, "Should I have said Mantle, then?"
Kris Hathaway | | | Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
[Re: ]
#200143 01/08/10 01:50 PM 01/08/10 01:50 PM |
Joined: Oct 2002 Posts: 606 Maryland Kris Hathaway
addict
|
addict
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 606 Maryland | I loved this one. Haven't heard it in a while.
Blind man walks into the bar with his dog. Grabs the dog by the tail and swings it around over his head.
Bartender: "What the *#@% you doing!!!"
Blind man: "Just taking a look around"
BadaBing! Short & Sweet!
Kris Hathaway | | | Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
[Re: erice]
#200144 01/08/10 02:19 PM 01/08/10 02:19 PM |
Joined: Jan 2004 Posts: 216 Lakewood, Colorado MUST429
enthusiast
|
enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 216 Lakewood, Colorado | so he takes his talking dog down the pub
clears a table and puts the dog on it
listen up everybody, he says
i'm taking $10 bets that this here dog of mine can talk
people gather around and soon the barman is holding $100 of bets which our man matches
then he says to the dog, what is on the outside of a tree?
The dog says "Bark"
everyone boos
Then he says to the dog, What is on the top of a house ?
the dog says "Roof"
Everyone boos and the bartender throws them out.
Once they are outside the dog looks at the guy and says
What the hell ????????
::::Rimshot:::::
Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain
| | | Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
[Re: MUST429]
#200169 01/08/10 10:50 PM 01/08/10 10:50 PM |
Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 5,525 pgp
Carpal Tunnel
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 5,525 | Different story:
Two friends were deer hunting, when one had to move his bowels.
So he squatted over a stump and was bitten on the penis by a rattlesnake.
He yelled to his friend, "I've been bitten on the penis by a rattlesnake and I'm going to die."
To which his friend replied, "No, I'll go to town and get help, you're going to live."
Immediately the friend jump into his jeep, drove at break neck speed, endangering his life more than once, and reached the doctor's office. Whereupon the Dr. said, " I have to deliver a baby, you'll have to tend the wound. Just cut two incisions over the wound and suck the poison out."
The friend jumped back in his jeep, made the same harrowing drive, reached his friend and said, "Yep, you're gonna die."
Pete Pollard Blade 702
'When you have a lot of things to do, it's best to get your nap out of the way first.
| | | Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
[Re: pgp]
#200213 01/10/10 05:32 AM 01/10/10 05:32 AM |
Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 757 japan erice
old hand
|
old hand
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 757 japan | a gunslinger of old is a bit worried
after years of being a hired gun and having shot and killed too many people to remember he's hung up his guns, moved towns, got religion and is aiming to live out his last years as quietly as possible
but he hears tell that someone new is in town, asking about him, wanting to know where he lives.....
he gets a bad feeling and decides to head out of town for a bit
he needs supplies, so he takes his horse into town really early and figures he'll be out again before anyones even out of bed
with sack tied around the horses feet he leads it to the general store just after dawn, the street is empty with just a limping stray dog sniffing trash
he ties up the horse, wakes up the owner of the general store and gets his supplies
before going out he checks the street, still no one up, just that damn dog sitting by his horse now, licking it's injury foot and staring at him
his arms loaded he carries the supplies over the horse, but the dog jumps up, gets a good solid bite of his groin and starts shaking it's head furiously
screaming in pain he drops the boxes and falls to the ground
quick as a flash the dog jumps for his throat and he just stops it's lunge by grabbing the hair around it's neck
but it's a big dog, lookin' real mean and his fingers are slipping, he realizes he's going to die
in god's name he says, he screams, why, what have i ever done to you
the dog furiously snarling and staining to get to his throat says
cause you da guy
that shot my paw
Last edited by erice; 01/10/10 05:40 AM.
eric e 1982 nacra 5.2 - 2158 2009 weta tri - 294
| | | Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
[Re: erice]
#200226 01/10/10 01:00 PM 01/10/10 01:00 PM |
Joined: Feb 2009 Posts: 678 Palm Beach County TheManShed
addict
|
addict
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 678 Palm Beach County | An Indian was buying a horse from a cowboy for a $100. After looking the horse over he announced that he would like to talk to the cowboys animals before purchasing the horse. The cowboy just laughed and said, “Dogs don’t talk but go ahead.” Turning to the dog the Indian said, “woof, bark, growl…….arff” and the dog made the similar noises back. The cowboy just smiled as the Indian turn to him and said, “Well what did he say” The Indian replied, “Dog says you good master, feed and water him on schedule, every night give him bone from steak as you eat by camp fire, dog still mad you kick him two years ago.” The cowboy thinks ok that is true but just a lucky guess.
The Indian says, “Now I talk to horse” he turns to the horse. The cowboy just laughed and said, “Horses don’t talk but go ahead.” The Indian bows and raises his head and stomps his foot in front of him while making horse sounds, and the horse does the same in reply. Now the cowboy looks at the Indian and said, “ OK what did the horse say.” The Indian replies. “ Hmmm not so good horse says you are good master, feed and water him on schedule, but he is mad you sold filly named patches earlier this year and you buy cheap hay from man named Skip” Amazed that the Indian knows this he is dumbfounded and quizzed about the Indians ability to really talk to animals, could it be true?
Now the Indian turns to the sheep and says to the cowboy, “Now I talk to sheep.” The cowboy spins the Indian back around and says, “Sheep lie take the horse for $50”.
Mike Shappell www.themanshed.comTMS-20 Builder G-Cat 5.7 - Current Boat NACRA 5.2 - early 70's | | | Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
[Re: pgp]
#200236 01/10/10 03:36 PM 01/10/10 03:36 PM |
Joined: Sep 2004 Posts: 75 Clearwater, FL stevefisherkeller
journeyman
|
journeyman
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 75 Clearwater, FL | A hunter stalking the woods of Southern Illinois, shoots a deer. As he approaches the deer he sees someone standing over his kill, tugging on it. Chambering a round into his rifle, and stepping into the clearing, he tells the person to step away from his deer. The gentleman on the wrong side of the rifle says "You can have the deer, I'm just trying to take my saddle."
Last edited by stevefisherkeller; 01/10/10 03:37 PM.
Steve Fisherkeller P19MX
| | |
|
0 registered members (),
178
guests, and 117
spiders. | Key: Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod | | Forums26 Topics22,405 Posts267,056 Members8,150 | Most Online2,167 Dec 19th, 2022 | | |