Comedians everywhere are returning to school to take creative writing courses as they all realize they can never come up with material this good for their acts.
It is not their fault that their facts appear to be quite different from what is happening in the universe where most people live. They did not ask to come here. Something went wrong with the timeline, is all. Somebody stepped on a butterfly, and here we are.
When we look at their recently provided list of times when the media failed to cover Horrible Acts Of Terrorism, what we see is a long series of misspellings in which, often, zero people died.
The Bowling Green Massacre, something Kellyanne Conway mentioned in multiple interviews, is a real thing that happened. The carnage was unbelievable — not in the sense that it is here, where we don’t believe that there was any carnage. In the other sense.
The “inner cities” are unbelievable. In that universe, any time people in the nightmarish hellscape of the inner city leave their homes, they are instantly shot. Every time. You cannot go to the store without being shot. People sit huddled in their homes waiting to draw straws as to who will leave the house first, as whoever does so is inevitably killed. It’s awful. If we could only see what is happening in that universe, we would agree with sending in the feds.
In that universe, you need guns in your schools to protect from bear attacks, which are CONSTANT.
