Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
Step out of line, the men come and take you away
---Buffalo Springfield

From the department of “You can’t make this **** up”:

Aides to Donald Trump say that the President is employing food tasters out of a fear of being poisoned, and has been for some time. The aides spoke on condition of anonymity.

Apparently this practice predates the election.

“Trump knows how many people utterly despise him,” one aide said, “and has for a long time.” “One night on the plane he told us that beginning immediately he would only eat in restaurants that didn’t employ any Mexicans.”

Apparently the impracticality of that demand was completely lost on The Donald.

“Priebus told him that his restriction would eliminate every restaurant in America as an option,” confirmed an aide. “Trump said that if that was the case he wanted all food to be ordered carry-out and anonymously.”

Once food was brought back to the campaign, the tycoon made a big show of making sure that everybody got their food and had begun eating before he started.

“He tried to pretend that he was looking out for the little guy. ‘The Donald doesn’t eat until everybody else is fed,’ he liked to say. But we knew what was really going on. And frankly, we were just as glad the food orders were being placed and picked up anonymously.”